People who do not suffer from social anxiety will never truly understand the anguish that can be felt when taking part in group activities that are supposed to be fun.

During my early 20s, I often went on nights out with friends, despite hating every minute of the experience. I would usually have long spells stood or sat on my own not speaking to anyone, feeling deeply uncomfortable at all times. I have never understood the attraction of attending noisy bars or clubs and drinking lots of alcohol. I would usually end up clock-watching — willing the time to go quicker so that I would be put out of my misery. And I would end up getting far too drunk after consuming alcohol just for the sake of it! Then I would hate that I had wasted my time and that I didn’t really fit in with others.

I usually avoid nights out, but against all my instincts, I went on a staff social earlier this year. This began with axe throwing. Although this was OK, my only focus was on not embarrassing myself while everyone was watching. Hitting the target was irrelevant. When it was not my turn to throw, I was mostly stood on my own, barely uttering a word to anyone. My social anxiety levels were through the roof.

Next stop was a bar, which brought back all those memories from nights out when I was in my 20s. Part of me wanted to feel part of the group and to form friendships with my colleagues, who are all nice people, but I could not feel at ease. Any social situation is bad enough (i.e. working in public-facing roles or large gatherings of family or friends), but when this involves the drinking culture I am not compatible with, it is so much worse. For someone like me, who is almost certainly neurodivergent, this is akin to hours of mental torture.

Fortunately, I’m at a stage in my life in which I do not dwell too much on such experiences (other than writing posts like this one!), and I am grateful that I have a good life. It’s better for me to focus on the things I enjoy and the situations in which I feel more at ease. In order to get to know someone better, I prefer to go for long walks on which slow-paced, more meaningful conversations can be had.

I know there are many others who can relate to this. For those unable to, I hope you can at least understand that someone may be experiencing such emotions when in a situation that is supposed to be fun.

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