Today there were a couple of occasions in which I shied away from physical contact. The first came when a colleague — who’s an eccentric, lively character — began singing and hugging everyone he passed. “Bro hug?” he suggested. I did not answer him, instead switching the conversation to a duller work-related one. It wasn’t a big deal, and he won’t have cared in the slightest.

This evening when I failed to hug my sister-in-law, however, it made me think about something that has been on my mind lately: why do I shy away from physical contact so much, even when it involves a family member or a friend?

The non-hug with my sister-in-law was a more significant moment than when I snubbed my colleague. In addition to the fact that she is a close family member, it was a more appropriate time for a hug. She was due to have surgery the following day, so pretty much anyone else she knew would have embraced her to wish her good luck. As is so often the case, however, I did not. I offered my best wishes, though!

My mum and my wife are the only two people who make me feel at ease enough to hug without hesitation. I even enjoy it and take comfort from it! But my wife pretty much had to force me to start hugging my dad. I rarely embrace my brother; we usually do this awkward thing where we end up moving to the side and patting each other on the back.

All of my colleagues hug each other every day when they say their goodbyes. I just stand there feeling uncomfortable. They know that I’m not a hugger, so they usually brush this off by making a friendly joke about “not hugging you because I don’t know where you’ve been”, or something similar. My non-work friends don’t get a look-in either.

Hugging is just one example; I also hate being tickled. My wife loves it, though, so I will spend a few minutes each evening performing my husbandly duties by tickling her arms or feet. The mere thought of this being reciprocated sends a shiver down my spine.

When someone is checking my pulse, it increases when this is done the “proper way”, which involves physical contact. I feel more at ease when an oximeter is used on my finger or the readings are taken from a blood pressure monitor (I know that these methods are not as reliable, but my point is that I can feel myself becoming more anxious when someone physically checks my pulse. Add this to the general worry of being medically checked and my pulse soars!).

When someone tries to pat my shoulder to indicate that they are showing concern or trying to be friendly, my instinctive reaction is to pull away. Although this makes me feel bad for visibly snubbing them, it’s rarely a conscious decision.

I can’t remember being this way when I was a child, but maybe that’s due to the fact that until recently it was not something I paid much attention to. This again makes me wonder about whether I am neurodivergent, especially as I have some other sensory issues — albeit not too severe ones. I’ve learned not to give myself a hard time about this; it’s just the way that I am. And there’s nothing wrong with that.