I ran the Wigan 10k in September. It may sound strange, but I found the social aspect more difficult than running the race!

The apprehension I felt beforehand was due to the prospect of having to be in the presence of over two thousand people in a potentially lively atmosphere. Being part of a team of just under one hundred was also daunting, as I have always struggled with group dynamics. Add the expectation I placed on myself (completing the run), and loud noises (music being played on the sound system and lots of shouting and cheering) to the mix and you have all the ingredients for a mass gathering I would usually avoid at all costs.

This type of situation brings out some of my old behaviours that were more frequent when I was a teenager and young adult. On the day of the race, this included:

*procrastination leading to poor timekeeping (I arrived later than intended).

*standing close enough to my team members to appear part of the group but far away enough that I didn’t truly integrate.

*willing the time to go quicker so I could return to my safe space.

*separating myself from the others when it was time to run because I felt more comfortable focusing on the task at hand without the additional stress of having to make small talk.

My nervous habit of constantly sipping the drink in front of me when feeling uncomfortable in my surroundings caused me to need the toilet before the race began, but because my decision making becomes clouded when in a large crowd, I opted to hold it in for the entire 10k rather than making life easier for myself! I would often make the foolish decision not to go to the toilet (usually before a long journey) well into my mid-to-late-twenties.

In comparison to all of the above, running 10k was a doddle! The positivity of the event and the feeling of doing something good for a noble cause (we raised thousands of pounds for charity), however, made all of the social anxiety worthwhile. I will always feel uneasy at large gatherings, but recently I have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone.